Special Bonus Post - New Hampshire Primaries

Hi, everyone! While I live in Massachusetts, I was actually born in New Hampshire. My people say that this gives me a special connection to the presidential primaries held there that they, as New York natives, do not have. They thought that it would be a good idea for me to share my views on the candidates. I'm not so sure that I understand what it's all about, especially since none of the candidates specifically mention dogs in their literature, but I'll do just about anything if Mom will give me a Beggin' Strip, so here goes.

Biden: Some of his policies seem a little gullible. I will declare him Most Likely to Fall for Puppy-Dog Eyes.

Clinton:I think my hair would look just great stuck to her pants suits. I'd love to wander up to her and shed all over her. And have you seen the amount of paper associated with her? I'd spend all day sitting and chewing it up!

Dodd: I can almost say his name in People!

Edwards: I was kind of disappointed that he didn't point to the tainted pet-food scandal as evidence of corporate greed. Plus, his hair is too well-styled. He probably wouldn't want to walk the dog, because it might muss his hair.

Gravel: I dislike walking on gravel. It hurts my little paws. Which are actually quite large paws, but there you go.

Kucinich: Mom and I went to his website, to see what he's all about. Maybe it's just the way that the link was set up from the Globe website, but it immediately asked us to make a donation. I'll make a donation, all right - on his lawn.

Obama: His rallies are very, very loud. Loud things make me nervous. They remind me of my eternal foe, the Vacuum Cleaner. His focus on technology leads me to suspect that he would encourage replacement of real, hairy, farty, flesh-and-blood-and-drool dogs with Japanese robot dog imports.

Richardson: He favors appointing a blue-ribbon commission on people diseases, but what about doggie diseases? How dog friendly is New Mexico, anyway? Where is New Mexico?

Giuliani: If he can get me a date with the hot Golden Retriever police dog patrolling Yankee Stadium, he's my man, I don't care what his stances are.

Huckabee: This candidate actually does have some dog-related controversy. His son killed a dog at a Boy Scout camp a while back. He's been accused of blocking an investigation of the incident while governor. Newsweek quotes some people who back it up. He denies it on Larry King. I don't know who I believe.

Hunter: Hunter says "Build the Fence." I like fences. They're great for piddling. More fences, fences everywhere!

Keyes: His stance on property rights does not address the right of dogs to piddle on lawns. I shall piddle on his shoe.

McCain: McCain wants to end pork barrel spending. I don't know what that is, but I like pork, and if there was a whole barrel of it I'd be pretty darn happy, wouldn't you? Especially if it contained bacon.

Paul: Ron Paul advocates homeschooling. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It would make my street less busy so Mom could take me for walks at different times, but how would I find kids to play with if I didn't meet them coming out of school? Plus, he looks like a chew toy.

Romney: Last night the news accused him of being a flip-flopper. I like flip flops. I once took one of Mom's flip flops and brought it all the way down to the corner of the garden, where the woodchuck hole is, and chewed on it for hours and hours. This resulted in a lot of shouting, but boy was it worth it!

Tancredo: I have never heard of Tancredo, but I'd gladly hump his leg or steal his shoe. Ditto for Thompson.

So there you have it, my position on all of the candidates for today's primary in my native state of New Hampshire. I hope that you find it helpful in guiding your vote.

Yogi, Political Pundit.